Fade out, again.

Sometimes the energy you feel, and the decisions you make, are VERY real. You cannot screw up somethings, for they change who you are. Your decisions aren't being monitored by any external agent, but your mind is watching. It's listening when you crave, it feeds off of you and misdirects you, and the only thing you CAN do, is cross the bridges that are already on fire. The flames burn bright, and you can feel the heat on your face, but there is no other way to get to the other side, where the rain awaits to comfort your feverishly warm skin.


People may care about you enough to not watch you die, but you can never care that much about yourself. All you seek is completion, Absolution. Consolation barely cuts it. 


It's not something you want, it's a need. And if that Need is a person, it's all the more dangerous for you, because then not only do the forces of the universe conspire against you, but the innate nature of humans to destroy something beautiful interacts additively. There's not much you can do either, because as the slow chemical slowly chokes you, you start to see everything behind a haze of memories, and your judgement is clouded by the thick vapors of your dreams. 


Hope is a perishable resource, and quickly runs out as you hear more people consoling you than holding your hand and telling you they're with you regardless of the risks for them. Morals are for losers in this universe, for all the others can see things for as they are, without the wishful thinking that blurs your own vision.


It's a difficult life, sticking to your beliefs and principles, but it's the only one you know how to live, even if you're the only one who believes in yourself anymore.


If your enemy is your own respect for love, there is a level of hell deeper than what you've seen so far. Unlike the fires people talk about, this level is dark, there's no light there. Just spine chilling coldness. Not cold enough to kill you or send you into absolution, but cold enough for you to scream with pain as you crawl on the icy floors seeking any trace of light, until your mind starts playing tricks with you, and feigns warm fires afar, just as a mirage eludes thirsty travelers in the desert sands.


There's no other soul you can trust but hers.. and you won't mind, even if she drives a sword into your ribs only to have something she's touched,touch your skin....

The Fabulus Thunderbirds

I don't know how it came to being, but still immersed in the seemingly fake chores of life, I found that there is nothing I love quite as much as traveling.
It all began from a curious quest when I agreed to a friend's offer of driving a Thunderbird.

The Beast

We took her down to a country road a little out of town, one of the last places on earth I ever thought I'd seek Nirvana, let alone actually attain it.

I never loved bikes that much, but all of that was about to change. The world felt much different, with a gnarling beast following my command every moment along the road. From that time on, there have been countless breakdowns, countless repairs, and countless leg burns from silencers, things that now feel like occupational hazards.
From that point on, started a series of events like live shows with my band, some work related journeys and pretty soon, it was fairly obvious that the odometer of my life would face a serious rise.
Before I knew it, I had become part of a two part biker 'gang' who love nothing more than the intense note of a Royal Enfield Growl. The road became a part of our brethren, and we became worshipers of the beast.

Riders on the storm

Both of us being crazy photographers, our journeys went on to mean much more to us than random traveling, two of our favorite things (photography and biking) had somehow seemed to compliment each other perfectly. It works out heavily in our favor, we go places and click photos of things that unless clicked how we visualize them, any third person would just not understand.

Now, for me a time has come where I abide by a simple theory of life, what matters when you go to bed one last time, is the experiences you've had, the places you've seen. I'm pretty sure I'm going to keep adding to that list.

Me with the Demon

A letter to the fading world.Count yourself in.

Originally on http://www.facebook.com/notes/chirag-saraswati/a-letter-to-the-fading-worldcount-yourself-in/299196294575


Change feels weird, Change feels different
What is lost and what is found has taken a life...
My life...
The predictions their astronomies and astrologies make
are no longer valid enough to portray or limit the future
Their hypocritical statements and biting sarcasms
will be returned with the sound of a gunshot to their hearts...

my thoughts, orphaned, yet unique will know no bounds, and be unleashed into the hollow, empty, and decaying dimensions of their lifeless souls

The gold chains they wear will cost nothing tonight,
and the fear they feel will unite them with their emptiness.

Walking on the same streets as I,
Begging for respect
but instead,
becoming reasons i hate.

oblivion will strike them,
Absorb them,
incinerate them,
and disperse the ashes


the gunshot wounds to their hearts will reflect in their offspring,
the not-so-tender emotions that they have will be rid of pretense at last...

as i slowly lay down and give my final breaths away,
the sands i came from will be the sands where i disappear,
and where all my emotions will fill the shining dust before i fade away...

The consequences of trying to fit in,
the ones i live today,
are those of hypocrisy, chained to evil and anchored beneath an ocean of right and wrong...

wanting to see myself the way the world sees me has changed me,
and accepting the change is denying i ever existed...


The purity of thought and act of conscience has faded away by virtue of what is true and what is true according to them

i shall no longer be a casualty of these trains of thought...
and u can throw out your expectations, wants and needs out your window...
when i seeked out you weren't there...
when i wanted your comfort, u seeked your own
when i was busy making exceptions for you,
you were busy in accepting 'fate' and obnoxious ideas of how you should live life the way everyone else wants you to,
so no matter who you are,
this goes out to you,
my letter of faded goodbyes,
exclude me from your wills and wishes,
i'm not your star and i'm not your sky

i wonder how much longer my eccentricities will fuel my life,
i dont know if a day will come when my thoughts are behind me,
i dont know if what they call maturity will ever strike me,
because it is that very deed that i banish, that very feeling i destroy,
that urges u to blend in, to be like them..
So carry on, make fun of me
i know in my heart i'm right...

u want respect but your soul is a whore
and this impenetrable soul, YOU SHALL INFLUENCE NO MORE

The Bhutani Dhaba

I wonder if dreams ever really mean anything. Wrapped in my quilt, warm, and snugly tugged in, it was a perfect night for sound sleep. A few minutes into my comfort, I found myself in a strange place, the Bhutani  Dhaba.

I was dreaming, of course, a very, very lucid dream. So clear, it almost seems like I am narrating a real incident, a real legend that was fortunate enough to be a part of.

I was sitting in a corner of a little room, with four long wooden benches for seats,hugging all the walls, a break in one corner lead to the kitchen. About five people were seated with me, all busy with talks of their day to day lives, and the owner, the Bhutani, standing inside the kitchen door wearing a blue jacket, with a seemingly permanent smile on his face.

Everything about the the place spoke of honesty and a humble Pahari (people of the Himalayas) nature. I was oblivious to the world when I found myself sitting there, the chilling cold felt like the Dhaba was somewhere close to the actual himalayas. It was probably snowing outside, and as the steam from the rasoi (kitchen) escaped into the main room, the Bhutani burst into laughter, in a conversation with a local-ite. He got along well with them, I guess.

He served everyone food with the same smile, and then came and sat with us. There was no business, no pretence involved here, it was all survival. Although the place was extremely small, no one was cramped, and everyone was comfortable and warm. It felt nice being there, nothing else mattered.

Outside, a cold world slowly became colder, but did nothing to endanger the warmth inside. A local-ite asked him energetically

 “Bhutani, Ghar kab jar aha hai?” (When are you going to your country?)

“Abhi jaoonga kabhi bhee” (I will go soon, Anytime now!)

“Sath le chalega?” (will you take us along?)

“Naam likho, sabko saath le chaloonga” (Sign on the wall, I will take you all with me!)

He pointed outside the window to a wall made of stone and clay covered with an old, rusted iron sheet to protect against a melting snow seeping through. I got up and wrote my name with charcoal…

I wonder what my dream meant..

HP SUCKS

I POSTED THIS ON HP'S WEBSITE(support forums)

Hey everyone.

I am a musician and recently i purchased an HP Pavillion dv6 1152tx with 4 gb ram and 500 gb hard disk.

I was pretty excited to get the new machine, but i must say i am thoroughly disappointed with not only HP's after sale service and support, but also their idea of technology and the quote "the computer is personal again".

Lemme explain why.

1.) Being a musician, it is essential for me to hear what i am playing for recording.

The laptop has three 3.5 mm ports for audio...for one microphone and two headphones Anyways, in ANY other machine, after plugging my console into the line in/microphone, i am able to hear myself provided the microphone is unmuted.

In the case of my laptop,no matter WHAT i do, i can't hear myself!

The audio can be recorded... but what should i record.. if i can't hear myself??

I googled quite a bit and it turns out that the INPUT MONITOR option has been DISABLED BY HP/MICROSOFT DELIBERATELY

For some reasons...

and guess what... the thousands of bucks i spent on this machine are rendered completely useless to me because of the INSENSITIVITY of Hewlett packard and MICROSOFT.. i dont care whose bright idea it was...

i called Hp, but they dont care, they never called back, the customer care guys dont know what input monitors are, they are too dumb too understand what i mean by "i can't hear the audio i am feeding into the mic port that i am feeding frim my recording console"

HP is NOT HELPING anyone regarding this issue...

I will be grateful for anyone who can help me in this regard... hp or non hp..if this problem is not fixed, i will strongly suggest every single person i EVER meet NOT TO BUY HP PRODUCTS because they sell computers with features that THEY DON'T LIKE,DISABLED.

The solutions available online for this kind of problem are registry keys which dont work for my version, because i am stuck with IDT DRIVERS.

2.Hp comes with VISTA, and i tried getting rid of it,but the bootable xp sp2 disk just won't boot, giving me the BSOD while trying to boot from the cd.

3. the drivers are EXTREMELY unstable, one update can destroy your seemingly perfect machine.

4.HP has the guts to call me regarding extending my warranty for thousands of more bucks, but is WAY TOO INDIFFERENT to fix my problem..

This clearly speaks a lot about HP's policies of complete indifference towards customers...

5.The computer is NOT PERSONAL AGAIN, It is in HP's control... they make it frustrating enough to compel users to commit suicide, and deliberately add ways to make sure the user is not able to get rid of windows vista...

i see all of this as a sadist's way to torture...

I'd write a death metal song about HP, but because of Hp, i won't be able to f****ing Record it...

p.s. If you think hp is not all i think it is, help me fix my problem, and CHANGE MY OPINION

Anything For metal

I live for metal.Metal sets me free.Metal is bliss,metal is oblivion...Metal is HOME, metal is painlessness,metal is heaven; metal is the god that doesn't fail, the friend that never disappoints, the pillow when the neck hurts,the shadow that doesnt leave when it's dark.. Heavy metal changed my life the moment i felt it... From the day i was born, i only count the days of metal when i really lived.Success, failiure;doesnt matter....
Metal will be there for you! It is the mother who nurtures me when i am in pain, the father who gives me the courage to be different and the sibling i can confide into.. It is the endless ocean of freedom and its waves symbolize strength, sanctity and purity of thought.
No matter what happens in the world around me,deceptions,manipulations, and attempts to change me will always be futile, and i will always be screaming my heart and lungs out.. i started growling a few months ago, and i just realized i have replaced my "hello" with a growl on "ANYTHING FOR METAL"

However, if you expect to find me in a hard rock or heavy metal concert's crowd, i might not be there.. BECAUSE I WILL BE BUSY LIBERATING PEOPLE UP ON STAGE... I have committed myself to playing in Wacken and Download one day!


ANYTHING FOR METAL \M/

I don't wanna miss a thing...

Love is so strange! From the time I couldn't live a waking minute without hearing her voice to not being able to hear from her for months together, the moments of my life have transformed from perfect, to a constant fight against destiny...
The times that have been, are beautifully embedded in my memory like jewels on a rhinestone cowboy....
There have been moments in my life which are simply the most beautiful experiences I've ever had, and aerosmith's lyrics from "i dont wanna miss a thing" take me those very moments lost in time...

"I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing...

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if its me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God we're together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever

Don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I'd miss you baby
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do,
I'd still miss you baby....
And I don't want to miss a thing

I don't want to miss one smile
I don't want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Id still miss you baby
And I don't want to miss a thing

Don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to fall asleep
I don't want to miss a thing...."